Despite, or maybe because of the chaos that is reigning in my world at the moment, I am eating really really well and cleanly.
The chaos is same old same old but a level more intense - my Mum's severe ill health and negotiating the aged care system as well as doctors and hospitals.
I realise that when I am really stressed and upset, food is the one thing I can control in my world.
When I am stressed and worried and sad, as I am, the control, luckily, tends to be of a beneficial nature.
It's almost as if I am so heavy of heart and mind that my subconscious dictates I must be light of stomach and body.
When my Dad was very sick - twenty years ago now - before he died, and for a long while afterwards, I lost a lot of weight. Dieting was easy. Weight fell off me. I ate only to get through to the next day. I was totally and calmly in control. I was able to dictate my eating in order to make up for the fact that I could not manipulate my grief.
More recently, back in 2006, when I got over the shock of my brother passing away, I found that not eating was and losing weight was a slight salve to my utterly out of control emotions. With a newborn baby and three children under three, I ate enough to sustain breastfeeding and not much else.
And here I am again. Finding it all so hard, and so sad, but finding food easy.
When I am happy, I eat. When I am sad, I diet perfectly.
Good grief. Tragic really.
Cruel world huh. Take care of yourself Luce. I know EXACTLY what you are going through with the aged care stuff.
ReplyDeleteMwah xx
We are similar again my lovely. I am exactly like this. I lost 25kg post Bebito on my pre-pregnancy weight. When people commented on this I felt ashamed not happy. It was a physical manifestation of my mental health. I've lost 5 kg since Christmas too & not through trying properly. I have been thinking of you very much indeed and if I can help with anything I'd love to! Xxxx
ReplyDeleteIt is self preservation my friend. Take care. I am thinking of you. xx
ReplyDeleteHang in the Lucy xx
ReplyDeleteI hear you.
ReplyDeleteLook after you.
:-) x
Ah Lucy - not fair! I hope you are okay. x
ReplyDeleteThinking of you love. Know what you are going through. Much love xxxx
ReplyDeleteBig love to you Lucy. I know the emotional strain on you would be quite immense at the moment. And I can relate to controlling that seemingly small factor because it's all you feel you can control (or do well?)... during my years of infertility issues, I was fit, lean and striving to maintain a good diet - it was all I *could* do and I remained in that state of suspended control until after Lolly came (that is when I dropped the ball, all bets were off, I had "done good" and done my job... hmmmmm look how that turned out for me!). xoxo
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and suggesting a tim tam and cuppa might be just what you need x
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear you're eating well. Remember to feed your soil as well as your body though. Look after yourself.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear things are still so up in the air with your Mum. It seems unfair.
ReplyDeleteVery happy to hear that your diet is going well though. I am the opposite - I eat a LOT when I am down in the dumps. It is a sign that I have lost my mojo.
Holding your hand x
Big hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteIt's a bit like getting really sick or a parasite or something. A double edged sword of sorts.
I'm sorry to hear you're sad. So sorry.
Sending you all the love I can muster my friend.
ReplyDeleteI'll hold you in the light and you do what you need to do. Consider a candle lit, literally and metaphorically.
xxx
Sorry to hear that things are like this for you Lucy. I hope it turns around soon.
ReplyDelete