|Lissy, aged 19|
I am in a very very busy place over the next few days/weeks.
I shall go into more detail later...when I get chance to breath.
In between times, a list - a list of ten things I know, today.
1. My Mother was once very beautiful. Today she is sick sick sick.
2. My children are amazing. Their tolerance and acceptance and resilience over circumstance is phenomenal.
3. I shall never ever smoke again as long as I live. Nor will I ever get addicted to alcohol.
4. Some shit is so hard to deal with you need to obliterate it with boiling water. Literally. Seriously.
5. The Aged Care Assessment Team here in Australia are underpaid and undervalued and overworked.
6. My solicitor (who is also my Mum's solicitor) is worth his weight in gold. He is the calmest and most gentle of gentlemen.
7. My lovely husband supports me, and strokes my head as I fall asleep, and I am so grateful for him.
8. You can play a lot of Plants and Zombies on your iPhone when waiting around hospitals.
9. It is fucking hot today in Adelaide - 36`c and overcast. I'd like a storm please
10. I have really really great friends - Sue, Dave, Kat, Mike, Paul, Emmy, Linda, Lynda, Tammy, Chad...without you, I could not deal with practicalities around my fragile mother. That you understand, and that you treat my kids and dogs as your own makes me feel safe. Thank you.
My Mum is even sicker. How is that possible? She is made of strong genes. She hangs on. I didn't think it could get worse, but it has. I just hope for comfort. For her, and selfishly for me too.
She is hospitalised, and it seems, unlikely to return home. I am not sure if I am relived or sad. She is wasting away, and it is such a futile waste.
It is a complex thing, when a child becomes the parent. I feel I have parenting her and her habits, for a great many years. The guilt is immense. I am not sure why I feel guilty? Because I feel resentment too? There is a lot of frustration and the premature grief over what could have been. And the sadness.
But I do know she was amazing, in her day. Those are the memories I need to maintain.
If your mother is healthy and well, know that she is to be treasured?