Please welcome Kristyn. She sent me through this guest post, and of course it appealed to me, and I sense it will ring some bells with many of you too...
The weight is over...
It’s a bit daunting writing this post for Lucy’s blog after I haven’t contacted her in months. Deliberately. Why? Because I was embarrassed that I didn’t stick to what I told her I was going to do. It’s not like she was hounding me about it. I was just embarrassed.
A couple of months ago, I wanted to put my weight back on track. But I failed miserably. Instead I put another five kilos to what is already the excess weight the size of a toddler (yep, that’s literally). I felt like I was eating myself to my grave, down and depressed.
Two months ago, hubby signed me up to this seminar that I didn’t want to go to. But one of the things he mentioned, which pushed me a bit to try it out, was that I was supposedly going to find the reason why I’m doing what I’m doing to my body. I went and figured out some things about my life that I wanted to fix.
But the tools I got from the seminar didn’t translate to fixing myself physically. Again, I was disappointed. I didn’t know what else to do. I was in a slump.
Until one day.
Hubby went to that seminar too and has taken the advanced leadership training sessions. He came home one night and addressed the elephant in the room for the last eight years – my steady weight gain.
I reacted with fury, running to the kitchen, screaming at him for bringing it up. I was so surprised by my reaction and it was obvious how distressing it was for me. In the past, he would have backed off and dropped the topic. But this time he didn’t. He prodded, gently and lovingly, until I broke down crying – sobbing in his arms like a little child. I had a breakthrough.
After we placed MiniMe to bed, we sat on the couch facing each other, talking for hours about my weight gain. We spoke honestly and openly. And he waited for me to dig into myself and find out the reasons why I comfort eat or eat too much. We spoke about why two years ago I decided to stop my efforts even after I’ve already lost 10 kilos.
I told him I felt I was missing out on our party. You see, we used to drink. A lot. We could finish two bottles of wine and a bottle of bourbon in one night together. That was our weekend party, and although it has slowed down a bit to only half a bottle of bourbon or so, it still kept going. When I decided to get fitter two years ago after my mum had a stroke, I felt left out. He was still drinking merrily during weekdays and weekends while I stuck to my healthy choices. Eventually, four months after, I decided to join him in his world again. I didn’t feel supported because we had different lifestyles and so instead of pulling him into my world, I joined his.
He apologised for this because he didn’t know. I didn’t know either until we talked about it. The last two months, hubby has stopped drinking. We have no wines in our house, no bottle of bourbon, for the first time in eight years. He has started walking to the train station and has lost weight that he now fits into his old expensive suit (he’s one of those people who loses weight fast, damn bastard).
For the first time in a long time I feel like we’re on the same page about our health. Something clicked inside me but I can’t quite get a grasp of what it is. All I know is I’m noticing a difference. When we’re stressed (and believe me, we’ve been bombarded with major problems the last couple of weeks) we don’t grab for the bottle anymore.
For the last two weeks, I’ve gone to the gym three times each week, targeting to go for four days. In the past I’ve succumbed to comfort eating, now I’ve noticed myself grabbing for the bottle of water instead. I realised my reaction to put something in my mouth was triggered by stress (when I’m on deadline and scrambling to finish something), sadness, or anxiety. When I feel the need for sweets (I haven’t figured out a cure for sweet tooth yet), I’ve switched from chocolates, Tim Tams, and Wagon Wheels to fruits and nuts mix (loving the Lucky snack tub). I’ve switched from eating on a big plate to using my child’s bowls, limiting my intake. I’ve weighed myself and I have lost three of the five kilos I’ve added to my baggage. It’s a slow process but for the first time I’m confident it’s sticking.
I don’t claim to have the answer for it. I don’t know exactly what happened to me. All I know is that it seems to be working for me. For us. I still have a long way to go but I firmly believe that if we stay on this path, we’d get there together.
MummyK is a freelance journalist/photographer who just released her first ever self-published children’s book. She is a TV addict and loves zombie movies. She’s mum to one little girl and two dogs, and wife to an IT consultant/muso. She blogs at http://mummyk.com and tweets as @themummyk.