Thursday, 24 November 2011

I am my best friend and my worst enemy...

Today's post is from a fellow Adelaide Lady Blogger, Bianca, of BigWords Blog. Bianca is, in her own words, an Adelaide writer, who blogs lush tales of life and love, living in chaos with her three beautiful children and gorgeous husband. She is writing her first novel. She drinks a lot of gin.

In my words, she is a warm, incredibly funny and honest chick who lights up my world when we get together. You can laugh with her on Twitter, follow her goings on on Facebook, and read her blog here.


Image from here

Losing weight is a learning experience. The biggest thing I’ve learned is I am my best friend and my worst enemy.
You see I am the only person who can motivate me to lose to weight. I am the only person who can cheer me on, who can stop me eating donuts and reach for a carrot instead of a block of chocolate. I am the only person who can make me go for a walk or refrain from late night snaking. I can make goals and stick to them. I am blinkered when I want to be, dogged. I don’t lose sight of my personal aims.

I am also the only person who can break my goals - the only person who can self-sabotage with reckless abandon. Simple statements roll off my tongue like butter: “You look ugly”, “You’ll always be fat” and “Just have a day off from the diet, it won’t hurt”. All these statements start off quietly in my head and then get louder as the self-doubt grows. In a matter of moments, I can wipe out weeks of hard work. In a matter of moments, I can go from feeling invincible and proud of myself, to feeling like a loser unworthy of looking and feeling great.

After having my third child I decided it was time I got serious. Time to get my body back. But instead of losing weight, I was putting it on with gusto. At 84.5 kilos, I decided I needed a motivator so I signed up to the Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation program. It was the best $200 I’ve spent in a long time. It gave me the boost I needed to kick-start my weight loss.

My husband and I followed the program together, but about half way through we started doing our own thing. We didn’t fail, we just felt like we’d got we needed out of it. We’d both lost about 7 kilos each and were ready to go it alone. What we were left with was a new way of living. We now eat smaller portions, exercise regularly, don’t snack, drink less and eat much healthier.

The problem is I keep talking myself out of achieving my medium-term goal of losing 10 kilos. I’m so close I can taste it. I can get into size 14 jeans again and can see size 12 within reach. But as I start to reap the benefits, my negative voices get louder. At present, I am having an internal struggle to stop the self-sabotaging. I’ve plateaued.

I have 7 more kilos I want to lose. I need to get serious with myself and get back into a strict routine. Head down, bum up. Hopefully, in a few months that head of mine will be filled with only positive thoughts and my bum will be a lot smaller.

How do you fight the self-sabotage?


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  1. Wow bigwords is a super cool chick! If only she wouldn't keep eating late night snacks and instead go for a walk!!!!
    Thanks for having me Lucy xx

  2. Loved this post, it seems we are our own worst enemies! Getting our heads right and learning to love ourselves is just as important as the exercise. Thanks BigWords and Lucy x

  3. Totally agree with everyone you said - I too am my best friend and my worst enemy. What I have started to do is give myself credit for the things I have got right and not dwell on the things that I messed up on.

    Have a great day !

    Love, hugs and positive energy.

  4. As I sit here eating a croissant for breakfast when I meant to eat a yoghurt, I have no answers. Only love. x

  5. Here's a trick I learned that helps me silence my inner critic: I send her to camp. As soon as I start to hear, "But you'll..." as in "But you'll never lose weight." "But you'll always be fat." I say (often out loud), "Hey! You're at camp! And there's no phone lines and no internet and no mail and you can't reach me and isn't it time you go canoeing in the cold, cold lake?" Just picturing the little critic tipping over and cooling off makes me smile and I'm able to focus once more on the positive.

  6. Bianca, I could have written this word for word! All except, I haven't yet dipped back into any old (like late-night snacking) habits..... I don't plan to. I HOPE not to! About halfway through that program, I began to do my own thing as well, even though I've printed out all the workout programs, thinking that I can use them from time to time when I need a real boost to my exercise output.

    I do exactly same as you: get so close I can taste it and then just teeter there, staring at that magic number so within my reach yet seemingly never closer. I'm within 8kg now of where I want to be. It feels like it'll take an eternity to get there at this rate.

    But you've come so far at the same time! Why not try the OPPOSITE when you head to get that snack tonight/tomorrow night/whenever it is you want to reach for something.... and go for that walk instead?

  7. Oh whoops, you asked a question Lucy... I fight the self sabotage by doing the opposite. Something Michelle Bridges suggested in one of her mindset message videos a few weeks ago. I was dubious it could work. But I tried it. And blow me down with a feather... it does work!

  8. I am so far out of the zone at the moment that I am not listening to voices. I am also not losing weight. Good for you for the weight you have lost. I have nothing to offer. You describe me to a T. x

  9. When we're tempted we try to remember to pause and remember how far we've come. Really appreciate our weight loss achievements so far and to think ahead to what is still to be achieved. We find really being conscious about our actions, both the self-sabotaging ones, and the achievement-related ones, can be enough to keep us on the straight and narrow. Terrific blog Bianca and congrats on your achievements so far.

  10. Great post – I’m going to Tweet about your blog.

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