I found myself looking at some photos of myself yesterday.
They are well taken shots with a good camera.
The photographer was engaging and took a myriad of snaps of me in my natural environment - chatting and laughing and sharing with other women, other bloggers.
My lovely husband and children saw the photos and were singing my praises.(Bless them - such unconditional love!)
I have a niggle in my head though. Fat. I still look fat. Self critical. I still have a double chin. Why does my neck look chubby, still? I have no waist. That incessant insecure chatter in my mind. I wish it would quieten.
I have lost a lot of weight over the past few years. Slow and steady. But I tell myself I still look fat. What's with that?!
As quickly as these insecurities gushed into my head, then I force them to seep rapidly away.
Losing weight, for me, has never been about how I look. It's about how I feel.
So regardless of how I appear in a photo; regardless of how much weight I still have to lose, I will remind myself of how good it feels to lose nearly 40kg. Nearly 90lbs of weight has gone, never to return. I am fitter and healthier now that I have ever been.
My vitality, now, in comparison to when I was at my heaviest, is so vastly improved. That is what I must recall when I realise that, in photos, I still don't look like a supermodel.
My skin is clear, as is my conscience. Through plenty of whole foods and water, I glow.
My eyes are brighter, simply because I am happier.
I have more energy, more zest for live, more joie de vivre than I have ever had.
So I shall try not to stress over photos that depict me as "cuddly" and still plump. I shall take steps just to remember how much weight I have lost, how much health I have gained, and how amazing this makes me feel.
Tell me, do you like photos of yourself? How do you deal with insecurities? Share with me?
PS A lot of people have asked me how I have lost weight. I have eaten less, and moved more. But most importantly, I believed I could, and so gradually, I have lost weight. The Think Slim audio series has helped me immeasurably.