Now, apparently, the "classy" parents around school are upping the anti. Not content with a car park and an adjoining coffee shop, they want to create a different kind of impression.
So, after watching this unfold at school this week, I give you a run down of how to be a classy parent -
1. Run a little bit late for school. Blame your children.
2. Drive slightly erratically at 60km in a 40km zone.
3. Slow down a little, maybe, as you approach the school crossing. Or don't bother to slow down - apparently this is optional.
4. Don't worry about indicating, this is optional as well, when you pull into a cul-de-sac to turn around.
5. You could use the cul-de-sac to do a full turn, or you could just turn in the roadway, holding up all of the traffic. Yeah, good plan, hold up all the traffic.
6. This has the added benefit of blocking sight of the oncoming traffic from all children and parents who are trying to cross to the school gate.
7. If anyone dares look at you the wrong way for this, do not hesitate in giving them the finger. Honestly, they will be so appalled it is laughable, and it will give them a giggle. Go the finger. It's all class.
8. As you wait to turn around, light a cigarette. It will kill a few minutes. Oh, you have children in the back of the car?
Apparently this doesn't matter. One of the children is young enough to still be in a booster seat? No matter, light up anyway.
9. When you finally pull into the kiss and drop zone, get out (still with fag in hand, obviously) to get the kids school bags out of the boot. Let the kids out but don't bother to kiss them goodbye. Watch them run
10. When a concerned parent loudly wonders whether it is indeed against the law in SA to smoke in cars carrying children, give them a hair flick, straighten your puffa jacket, hop back into your four wheel drive that has never been off road in its life (but sees plenty of filth from the fags on the inside), and drive away, again, at 60km, despite the fact that its a 40km zone.
And finally, congratulate yourself that you are the classiest parent ever. Not.
You disgust me.