Bern is guest posting for me today. Bern writes at So Now What? Her blog is hilarious and engaging. As is Bern herself. She rocks. Thanks mate........xx
WOULD YOU LIKE 5000 BITS OF PAPER WITH THAT?
Karma works in funny ways. Sometimes it presents itself my having a bird shit on your pristine white wedding dress on your big day. Other times, it’s just flips you the bird and presents itself as the reincarnation of yourself in your own child. This is my case.
As a child I was messy. As an adult, I am messy. Not so much in a leaving food to fester in my undies drawer kind of messy, but more like the clutterfucked, never have my shit together kind of messy. But as a child, hot damn, I was rank.
And it appears, that as my mother predicted all those years ago, I indeed do have a child who cannot keep her room clean and yes, it does upset me. Clearly Karma is rogering me senseless.
Spending time discovering sealed containers of empty lolly wrappers and shredded paper in sock drawers is not my idea of a fun Saturday. Of course I only got stuck into her room due to my fears. Fears that her friend arriving that afternoon would report home to her mother about the obvious feral state of her friends’ room. Fears that her mother would make assumptions about my inability to keep my house clean and fears that well, fungi might actually start spreading from her shoe cupboard into the corridor.
Of course, Maddie wasn’t home when I decided to start this. She was having a weekend bonanza of sleepovers and was due to be picked up in the afternoon. She wasn’t home to see how much of her beloved homemade lip gloss (i.e. Vaseline and dye) got donated to an unsuspecting charity. She will never realise that her mini My Little Ponies, that she had wedged behind her television have gone on to the great big green pasture in the sky. And clearly she continues to think it was the kitten and not her mother who knocked off and smashed her lava glitter lamp when attempting to roll the desk across the floor.
Am I the only mother with a child who does this? Who rips bits of paper to shreds and then leaves them all over her desk? Fails to drink and then return no less than 7 water bottles a week to the kitchen sink?
What about school socks? Have I the only daughter who decides 3 minutes before we are due to walk out the door in the morning that, even though she’s had over an hour and half to look for them, her socks are AWOL and she’s having an apocalyptic sized freak out because of it? Well, I’m pleased to report that I found 5 socks in my mass clean out. 2 in her shoe cupboard, 2 under her bed. 1 wedged between her books. Why?
Also residing in the dark abyss under her bed was luggage. Luggage that was meant to be cleaned out in August. After she went on school camp. Needless to say, she’s down 5 pairs of undies and one pair of shoes that were just too far gone.
I go on this rampage about once every 3 months or so. Usually there is a tonne of angst that goes along with these mini meltdowns. From her and from me. Along with this, on a daily basis I am requesting that she put her clean clothes away, pick her toys up off the ground and not leave her grotty undies at the entrance to her door. And yet, often I am too stuffed, too harried and possibly, just too lazy to follow her up on these requests. And she knows it.
So much like me 25 years ago, she waits for her mother to lose it, weathers the storm and walks out the other side with a clean room and good intentions. Both last about thirty minutes.
I want to teach her to be tidy now, so she can be a tidy adult. But do you think it is simply ingrained in her nature?
Please tell me she will grow out of it?