My son, Charlie, started school this term.
He is five.
He is utterly adorable.
(He takes a brilliant cameo role on my blog. I interview him regularly, for no other reason than I find conversations with him so bloody hilarious.)
So I give you, today, an interview with a very new little school boy......this was undertaken at the end of last term, when he had school visits.
Me: Charlie, mate, are you looking forward to starting at school?
Charlie: (Exasperated) You know I am Mum. You know I am very 'cited 'bout school. I have had my "calemdar" going for 46 sleeps. Going to school takes too many sleeps. (Big sigh)
Me: How many sleep is it now mate?
Charlie: (Hopping up and down on one spot) JUST ONE MORE SLEEP!!
Me: So, do I gather you are a bit excited about starting school?
Charlie: Yes. I cannot WAIT till I am a big boy at big boy school.
Me: Charlie, what is the best bit about school, d'you reckon?
Charlie: I like my new teacher but I like playing best. In the yard. And squirting my water bottle. (I suspect the squirting of water bottles is the modern day Aussie version of conker fights?)
Me: Oh. What about your new school uniform, mate? Is it smart?
Charlie: (Shrugs) It's the same as 'Livia's. (Olivia is Charlie's elder sister. She is 6. An old hand at this school buisiness.)
Me: And what colour is the uniform, Charlie?
Charlie: It's blue. You know that Mum. You ironed it and sewed my name tape fing in all the shirts. I like my school hat. You have to wear the hat at recess and lunchtime else the teachers don't let you play in the yard, they make you sit on the bench under the veranda instead. That is so boring. I am never gonna lose my hat, not never.
Charlie: I don't fink so Mum. I don't fink I'll bovver wiv reading. 'Livia can read to me instead. I will play on the 'puters instead. Or squirt my water bottle. Yeah. I will squirt my water bottle instead, I fink.
Me: Oh. Charlie, why don't you want to bother with reading? (Slight panic in voice......)
Charlie: I can't read Mum, so I won't bovver. Nahhh.
Me: (Even more panic from me by this stage....) But Charlie, that is one of the main things about going to big school. So that you can learn to read.
Charlie: But I don't want to. I can't read. And I don't wanna. Mum, what colour is my drink bottle? Can I have a Spider Man drink bottle? Please?
Me: Maybe we need to sort the reading business out mate, before we worry about your drink bottle? (Crapping myself that I have bred an illiterate.......)
Charlie: Nah. Mum, I don't wanna talk to your 'phone anymore. Talking about reading is boring, Mum. I am gonna practice squirting my water bottle. (Runs off.)
Charlie: (Bored with me now.) I know Mum. (Running off) You tell me that all the time.
The next day, after school:
Charlie: Mum, I am on level two readers. I can already read, y'know. School is so cool. My teacher is better than you. She taught me to read. They are easy books, so I read three books really quick, 'cos they only have one word on each page, so it is so easy for me. I fink I am a good reader. I love reading. Mum, can I read one of your books? Mum, am I doing reading next week at school, or somefink different? Mum, do you know I am gonna be the best reader in the world? Mum? I love you Mum, but I love reading more.
Me: Mate, you rock my world. How was your water bottle?
Charlie: I am the best squirter. But I liked the reading more.
Me: (Breathes utter sigh of relief.) Good. I love you mate.
So there you have it. A little peak into the world of a little Aussie lad, starting school........
(And the totally unfounded Mummy worries that go along with it.........)