This can be a good thing, of course, as well as a bad thing. And this is an issue that has been nagging away at me.
Trying to sort out, in my head, the pros and cons of my apparent perfectionism, and how to address it, has been an interesting
The upsides to this trait, the characteristics that I want to defend to the hilt, are:
- These "perfectionist" traits have stood me in really good stead for the past 40 years
- Why settle for mediocrity when you can be really bloody good?
- If something is worth doing, is it not worth doing well? Properly?
- I like the feeling of success, it makes me feel wonderful. Hell, I love it.
- I am recognised, occasionally, for being competent at everything I do, and I love that recognition.
- I get a lot done and I do it well. I tend to be hugely productive.
- It makes me feel proud to realise that pretty much everything I ever set out to achieve, I complete. And I complete it well.
But the downsides to perfectionist tendencies:
- The irrational belief that me and my environment must be perfect - this is unrealistic and exhausting.
- This "striving to be the best", to reach the ideal and to never make a mistake - this is simply too much pressure.
- This habit that keeps me constantly alert to the imperfections, failings, and weakness in myself - is this just plain arrogant?
- The level of consciousness that keeps me ever vigilant to any deviations from the norm, the "rules" or the way things are "supposed to be" - this is so tiring all the time, and more than a little obsessive.
- The underlying motive present in the fear of failure, and fear of rejection: if I am not perfect I will fail and I might be rejected by others. This is just sad.
- It is an inhibiting factor that keeps me from making a commitment to change habitual, unproductive behavior out of fear of not making the change "good enough" - this is interesting......you see where I am going with this?
As I mentioned, this issue has been nagging away at me. Picking at my brain, but I have simply not been able to gain any clarity on it all. I can hear some bells tinkling, but I cannot see the wood for the trees and I almost do not want to face analysing this because I am so up against it and in the middle of it all. I feel like I need a total brain declutter.
Again, the thoughts are crowding my head so much that I cannot dissemble them, but they scare me and I cannot get rid of them either.
But, it feels better to have bullet pointed all the scrambled thoughts, so thank you for
indulging me in my homespun therapy of self.........