Yesterday was a weird day.
I felt very lost and vulnerable .
I still do.
I watched Dr Phil for the first time in long while, whilst I ironed, and it was an episode on "Moms Who Drink". (I am not a mother that drinks. But I am the daughter of a mother that drinks. Hence my morbid misery interest.)
It was scary.
And of course I know that Dr Phil will always present the extreme. But I guess it is a mark of my current state of mind that I started to freak out and fret that I will morph into a Mom That Drinks.
(The sane and intellectual bit of my brain know s that this will never ever happen. But the sad scaredy bit of my brain says "You probably will. Look at the pattern of generations behind you. All alco mums fell into it somehow.")
Enough of that.
I did, however, also end up eating way too much junk funk food.......something I haven't done since forever.......
I scoured the house and ate a mountain of carbs. A box of Delites, a bowl of cereal, a bowlful of cashews. A bag of chippies. Inhaled. Binged.
And the thing that is scary about that is not what I ate or how it affects a weeks weigh in, but the fact that it was all emotional eating: I was not hungry at all. And I knew it. And I chose to not care, and eat all that crap anyway.....
Along with a glass of wine, and you can only imagine how utterly crap I feel this morning: literally like I have a hangover.
I guess today is a new day and I simply move on.
Headache and all.
(I have just proof read this post. If I am binge eating and watching Dr Phil whilst ironing and fretting about alcoholism, I am in a bad way. I shall continue to post and continue to blog. Not sure how much sense I am gonna make though, 'till this passes.......)