Kickboxing starts............

Oh, nearly forgot.

I start kickboxing on Thursday night. Cannot wait!

Smoking

[Image from HERE]

I know it's not glamorous. I know it stinks. I know it could kill me.

I know I am an ex smoker and I know I will never ever smoke again. (Honest, I promise.)

But Oh My Goddess, I could murder a fag right now.

Some head rush please. Some neck tendon untwisting time. Some deep inhalation? Some saltpetre crackle? Some acrid smoke? Some nicotine to fill up the "holes" in my blood?

Not sure why I am craving today, but I am.

I ache, and not in a good way.....

You know when you ache from a really good workout?

I love that ache.

But despite doing three mornings with my personal trainer already this week, I am not aware of that nice ache.

More of the flu ache that you get round the neck and shoulders. Complimented by some shivers and a horrible hot cold type of feeling.

And ear ache. And a shocker of a sore throat and a chesty feeling that reminds me of smoking too many fags (which I haven't by the way. 7 months of non smoking behind me, and I get sick?? How does that work??)

Nice.

Not.

But at least my appetite is diminished for a while.

Hopped on the scales this morning.

I have lost weight. Phew.

If I am not blogging, I am cruising.

And for the observant, yep, I have put on some weight.

But I guess the shock of putting on weight has kickstarted me into action. And as I am aware, if I blog, I am "good". If I am not blogging, I am cruising.

And whilst cruising is OK, it is not nice to put on weight.

So nose to the grindstone, if, for no other reason than to feel like I am controlling things myself, rather than food controlling me.

I get sent a little email occasionally from Linda Spangle (who writes a lot of books on emotional eating issues) and yet again it reminded me that this journey is one I do actually enjoy, and one that I do want to be on:

Real life didn't change just because you went on a diet. People still
bring cookies to work and invite you to birthday parties or happy hour. Others
entice you to share a dessert. And somewhere you may start to weaken. Perhaps
you get tired of planning and recording. Or you get side-tracked by stress,
fatigue or work challenges. Next thing you know, you give into temptation and
eat six cookies or have a couple glasses of wine.In reality, falling off your
diet isn't the end of the world. Unless -- you can't get back on it again.

That's what makes this such a critical point in your weight-loss plan.
What you do this week can affect the outcome of the entire year ahead. The late
Robert Cavett, founder of the National Speakers Association, once
said:

"You don't drown from falling in the water. You drown because you
don't get back out."

So if you've slipped up, don't give up on your goals. Just get back out
of the water! And if you haven't slipped, make sure you prevent this by staying
focused in the days ahead. Here's a few ideas to help you stay on track with
your goals of losing and maintaining your weight.

Go back to what works: When you first started your diet plan, what
helped you make it work? What tricks did you use to drink enough water or avoid
food temptations? Was there a certain time of day that you did your exercise?
Make a list of things that contributed to your ability to stay on track. Then
put these ideas back in place and use them to make your program successful
again.

Deepen your commitment: To strengthen your motivation, remind
yourself of all the reasons WHY you want to lose or maintain your weight. Then
spend an time giving extra attention, thought and effort to creating these
outcomes. At the end of the day, you will have deepened your commitment to your
program just by focusing harder on your goals.

Do one more day! Any time you're tempted to give up on your dieting
efforts, think about how much progress you've made so far. Then tell yourself
this:DON'T STOP NOW! Just do one more day! By following through with that simple
message, you'll immediately be another day closer to achieving your weight-loss
goals. And each time you stay on track for one more day, you'll have moved
further on the road toward a healthier life.

Sig

And from now on my blog posts will all have this funky little sig too:

Seven years ago today.........

It is very rare I allow myself to reflect on this one, but it is seven years ago today that I lost my first baby.

I cannot believe I am sitting here in snotty puddles over the anniversary of the loss.

It still hurts so badly.

If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time would pass us by?
Because you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see
you...


Sleep well little one.