Faking it........

When in doubt or fear, fake it.

Today I have "got over myself" and focused on controlling what I can.......so have ended up being a domestic goddess of maternal virtue.

There and beyond, blue.

Don't know why.

Cannot sleep.

Cannot talk.

Cannot laugh.

Feel like crap.

Have Dr's appt tomorrow.

Please let this pass soon.

Lucy, Just Do It.

I know what to do, I just need to just do it.

1. Eat right. 1200 calories in my CK split. No extras. Enter it into CK Lucy.

2. Drink 2l of water.

3. Exercise.

It's that simple.

Maybe chuck in some hypnotherapy too, for happy measure.

Maybe writing in this blog helps? Gets me focused, and in the present rather than in holiday denial mode?

But really, if I just do those top three things, I can get this whole weight loss malaise thing off my back? Please?

Grumpy girl.

WHAT IS GOING ON?

We are back from our holidays.

We had a blissful week at Andrew's parents.

I ate like an angel and exercised really well, but still put on weight??

I am not smoking. I have not killed my husband.

I fit into a size 12 cocktail dress with 6 inch strappy heels.

But I feel fat as the scales, damn them, show that I have put on about 4kg????

I feel like I am going mad.

I just want to get back into the weekly grind of training and losing weight each week, not putting it on???

I am off to bed to sulk.

I might have to listen to some hypnotherapy.

Grumpy girl.

Bugger

Bugger

I think I have put on weight.

I felt bloated & fat yesterday, so got on the scales this morning.

Yep.

Off to change my ticker.

First time I have put on weight ever.

Not happy Jan.

Deliverance

This time of year is one of resolutions. This week, two years ago, I gave up smoking after twenty seven years of the filthy habit.

It was, in all honestly, the very best thing I have ever done for my health. Hence me choosing this post for The Weekend Rewind  that Allison of the Pink Fibro graciously hosts...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am free.

No panic or fear or that awful empty feeling of deprivation.

Free.

Smoked my final fag today. Made me feel as sick as a dog.

No more. Ever.

I am actually feeling interestingly excited. I almost feel like a fog (a literal one as well as a physical one) has been lifted. And after twenty seven years, it's a relief. A long overdue relief.

I am embarrassed to admit that I am baffled as to why I never chose to ditch this disgusting habit earlier.

I have just read Allen Carr's Easyway to Stop Smoking (It was actually a gift from me to my lovely husband for Christmas. He got to page nine and discarded. I picked it up and read it in an evening. What an utterly marvellous book it is,  for its purpose.)

I am, based on the advice of the book, following Mr Carr's instructions one hundred percent, and so I am also giving up all nicotine and its replacement products. (This also means letting go of the cost of the bloody patches, in dollars and skin rashes.....)

Hello sweet breath, goodbye certain death. Thank you world. I am a non smoker.

Again, I am totally confused as to why this decision took me so long. I managed to not smoke through my pregnancies, and I have never smoked in front of the children. I guess it's a mark of the addiction that I still held onto to the final few cigarettes and the mini holiday I perceived they gave me?

I feel like I have been wearing the highest, most uncomfortable, pinching heels in the history of womankind. And I have finally been allowed to take them off. Ahhhhhh. Sweet blissful deliverance. My mind is free.

(Note: On doing a Google on Allen Carr I realise that he actually died of lung cancer in November of 2006. How very sad. Not me though.)

I know that this will last forever, this quitted business. I cannot tell you how happy I am about that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

January 2011 update - I am still a non smoker. 2009's resolution was achieved. It's as if I never smoked. I dare say, I am annoyingly evangelical about my anti-smoking. And still proud of it. 

Name that song.........

I know it's cheesy, but I love love love it.

I was up at 6am, armed with iPod, ready to do intervals. I ran again this morning, with a dance remix version of this blasting in my ears. And as I came to the top of a hill, a rainbow appeared. No kidding. I felt like crying with joy: how tacky is that?! LOL!

I am gobsmacked at myself that I am enjoying running.

If I could figure out how to have it as a wav file and automatically play when ever someone clicked on this blog, I would!

Who knows what tomorrow brings
In a world few hearts survive?
All I know is the way I feel.When it's real, I keep it alive.
The road is long, there are mountains in our way,
But we climb a step every day.Love lifts us up where we belong,
Where the eagles cry
On a mountain high.
Love lifts us up where we belong,Far from the world below,
Up where the clear winds blow.
Some hang on to "used to be,"
Live their lives looking behind.
All we have is here and now,
All our life, out there to find.
The road is long, there are mountains in our way,
But we climb a step every day
Love lifts us up where we belong,
Where the eagles cry
On a mountain high.
Love lift us up where we belong,
Far from the world we know,
Where the clear winds blow.
Time goes by, no time to cry,
Life's you and I. A life today.

Size 12........

Enough said. I am happy.

The Zoo

Nothing to do with my weight loss, but we had a great morning at the zoo today. (And I resisted hot chips and iced coffee from the kiosk!)